i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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