My sheets look like a crime scene.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
