you guys were way drunker than both of me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
