Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
