She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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