i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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