Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
