He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
