I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
