Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
