Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
