I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
