i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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