I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
