Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
