i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
