DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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