I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
