I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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