my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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