Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
