The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
