it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
