Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
