fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
