she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
