We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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