Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
