We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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