Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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