Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
