my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
