New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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