a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
