I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and she was petting her beer can
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
