Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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