I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've blown a few things in my day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
