my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
