i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
