I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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