I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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