Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
