Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Olympian is in my bed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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