so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am midnight drunk by noon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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