Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
