I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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