she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
