i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
