any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
