Her vagina should come with caution tape.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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