life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
