She announced her abortion via fbk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
