shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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