I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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