I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
