honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
