its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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