what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
