He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
