i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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