So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
