theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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