She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
