Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
