There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
