he told me I talked like a deaf person
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
