Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
