I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
