ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
