Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
